Sometimes, I wonder how many people I put to shame. How many people I told off, not knowing my intentions have hurt them, sprouting extreme abhorrence towards me. I really wonder, would I have all the empathy invested in myself to apologize and save them, and myself, from their wretched image of me in their mind and hearts? Why do I do things that I am sorry for, things that my ego had to cloud my judgement?

Is pride such a critical aspect?

Is my self esteem so worthy of other’s?

I know it in myself, that the fact that I don’t reveal what I feel inside, doesn’t make it true that a situation doesn’t affect a certain way. Again, pride persist it’s strong hold on my reality. I feign. I fib. Does that make me most people? Does that makes me merely human? 

Automatic Negative Thoughts, so it was called by this wonderful but alas, rather dull and money minded trainer, is inevitable. It comes, as if it’s it’s own boss, parading into my mind like it owns the place and parting after leaving behind it’s hectic and chaos. Damaged done my friend.

This sucks. I have too much nonsense in my head. :(